she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
