too bad you live with your parents still
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
