Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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