i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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