Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
