Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
