i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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