it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
