You can't special order awesome
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
