I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So much rum. So many feels.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
