When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
