So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
