last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
