My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
