Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
