You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
