Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
