you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
