Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
