my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
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