you turned your livingroom into a bong?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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