dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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