I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
