I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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