This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
