So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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