I just saw a hot homeless man
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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