Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
