if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
