Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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