Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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