I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
