mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
