i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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