:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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