You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
And then my night got REAL pukey
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
