I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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