I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You did what with his pubic hair?
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