Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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