i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
