id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
