Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
