my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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