last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Floor bacon is actually really good
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
