you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
