i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
