Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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