On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
