direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
