I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
