alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
