I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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