I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
