you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize