I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
