Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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