hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
