P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
