I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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