If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
