I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
