i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Will exercising make me less horny?
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