don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
