We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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