I accidentally had phone sex last night
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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