I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
