Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
