cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
