Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
