Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize