I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
