oh god the rape fog is back!
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
