She went from zero to smokin in five shots
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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