put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
