he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
