I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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