I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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