normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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