I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
birth control should be required to get into college
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
