Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I believe in your delicious
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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