i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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