party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
